


Please Don't Leave Me Alone at Night

by Silveriss



Series: It's Keith - Trails of Memories [6]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Adulthood, Angst, Anxiety, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, It's Keith Universe, M/M, Panic Attack, Referenced Suicide Attempt, Timeline: Anthony is 25, Timeline: James is 24, loving relationship, past trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-01
Updated: 2018-07-01
Packaged: 2019-05-31 19:20:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 648
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15126182
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Silveriss/pseuds/Silveriss
Summary: Some memories are more resilient than Anthony wished they would be.If only his brain could register once and for all that everything is fine - that James is fine - then maybe he wouldn't spiral down so easily.But James is here, and safe, and right now it's about all that matters.





	Please Don't Leave Me Alone at Night

When Anthony opened the door, he felt ice cold water spread into him. The lights were out. All of them.

His left side hit the door frame. He clung to it.

There had to be an explanation. _Another_ explanation. Something rational and safe. Something reassuring, and warm, like one of James’s hugs.

But life never worked that way, did it? Nothing ever stayed warm. No one ever stayed safe. Not for long.

When Anthony stepped on his keys, he realised he’d dropped them. He also realised that he was trembling too much to pick them up. They fell on the floor, again, with a clink. Anthony sobbed a curse. His eyes were dry; his throat was tight. He could feel his breaths fight to pass through.

He squeezed his eyelids shut. Willed his breathing slower. His legs steady.

He knew how to do this. He could do this. He had to.

“Ja- James?” It was but a trickle of voice that got outside his lips.

He took three steps inside the kitchen.

There he tried again, voice clearer.

Again, louder.

Memories were running through his brain, burning flashes that made everything sway and fickle.

He called out for James again, louder, clearer, despite the fear seizing him. Because of the fear seizing him.

His stillness shattered at the same time the silence did. But he didn’t fall this time. He ran.

“Tony?” James sounded sleepy, hovering between worry and surprise. “Babe? Are you okay?”

James wasn’t lying on the floor. He was sitting in their bed, hair falling in his eyes, eyes looking up at him.

Safe.

Anthony’s whole body relaxed. He took a couple of steps inside the room, let himself fall onto the mattress. The alarm clock on the night table read 01:13. Anthony breathed in the odor of their sheets, the combination of the both of their smells. Everything was okay.

James shifted closer on the bed. Soon, warmth was seeping into his scalp from the weight of a familiar hand.

“What happened?”

“My phone died,” Anthony sighed. “I thought it was earlier than this.”

A silence. Nothing but the comforting smell and the warmth of his hand.

Then: “I thought… I thought you were- I thought you’d-” He couldn’t say it. Couldn’t force the words out. In his hair, James’s hand had stilled.

“Honey…”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, it was stupid. I just- It’s like I was _there_ again, and I- I couldn’t help it.”

James’s hand moved, gently stroking Anthony’s hair out of his face so James’s lips could find their way to his forehead.

“It’s okay,” he whispered, pressing his forehead against his. “Honey, it’s okay. I’m the one who’s sorry. It’s not your fault.” James’s eyes were cradling him as he spoke, warm and loving. Anthony couldn’t stand to look back. He closed his eyes, willing the memories and the dark thoughts away.

James stopped stroking his temple. There was a silence.

“...Come here.”

Anthony buried his face into James’ shoulder, clinging desperately to him to keep the past at bay. James held him. He was a bottomless source of heat, soothing like nothing else could ever be more important than _this_ , here, now. James kissed him like he would never stop.

Once Anthony’s fears had left with all his tears, James helped Anthony undress. They lay down under the cover and wrapped themselves around each other. They talked, then, for a while, before they fell asleep.

When the morning came up, Anthony woke up to the smell of French toasts and James singing over Jimmy Sommerville’s voice in his underwear.

 _How was I so lucky to meet him_ , Anthony thought as he leant into the kitchen’s door frame.

“I’m in love with you,” he said.

“I know.” James beamed, then winked. “The feeling’s mutual, if you were wondering.”

Anthony felt a smile slowly bloom across his cheeks.

“I wasn’t.”


End file.
